


Make me feel good

by ShinMeiko



Series: What if multiverse [10]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli, Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, What-If
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2020-09-30 07:48:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20443472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinMeiko/pseuds/ShinMeiko
Summary: Simon promised Bram a great first kiss.He delivers that, and a little extra.Sequel to 'Chapter 28 - What if the story didn't take place in high school?' in my 'what if' series.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one is a bit odd in his general atmosphere. It's the kind of chapter that ends up being nothing like what I had planned at first. And the themes feel just a bit foreign to the ones I usually brush. Plus, I got really conscious of all my writing tics on this one.
> 
> But it's there, it's written, so I thought I should share it.

Bram is pacing. It’s ridiculous, really. He hasn’t been so nervous about something this trivial since he was a teenager. But the shower stopped and Simon said he would kiss Bram when he would leave the bathroom. His exact phrasing was ‘a first kiss that great that Bram would never even consider the idea of going back.’ Not that Simon would need much to achieve that. Bram doesn’t think that he ever wanted something more than he wants to kiss Simon. It is also going to be his first ever kiss with a man.

Not only Bram is about to kiss the person he had been emailing and falling for, he is about to kiss the moon-eyed boy he had a crush on, he is also going to have his first true kiss, honest to his sexuality. It is going to be a turning point in his life. Bram is also sure that Simon is a great kisser. Or maybe he just hopes so.

What is going to happen when Simon gets out of the bathroom? Is he really going to kiss Bram straight away? Probably not. They are certainly going to awkwardly chat first. Will they be thinking about kissing the entire time? Bram knows he will. Now that Simon mentioned the kiss, it’s not leaving Bram’s mind until it happens.

This is ridiculous. Bram is a grown man now. Surely, he shouldn’t be that flustered because someone said he was going to kiss him. Shouldn’t he be more focused on Simon being naked a few feet away, or something like that?

The bathroom door opens and Bram’s stomach does so many backflips that it might as well be training for the Olympics.

Simon enters the living room. His cheeks are flushed from the hot water, wearing Bram’s – slightly too big – clothes, still drying his messy hair with a towel. Bram is certain that no one ever looked that beautiful before.

Their eyes meet and Bram can physically feel the tension in the room. Bram almost feels petrified. Luckily, Simon does not. He abandons the towel on the arm of the couch and walks toward Bram with the sexiest confidence ever. Simon doesn’t stop until he is standing right into Bram’s space, cups Bram’s face and kisses him.

And what a kiss.

It’s soft and lingering at first, then deep and passionate. Bram’s hands fall on Simon’s waist, pulling him closer. Simon’s body is warm and strong against Bram.

Simon’s smell is intoxicating (he definitely _not_ smells like a dancefloor) and Bram has to agree. After a kiss like that, there is no coming back. Bram doesn’t care if it’s men or if it’s just Simon. This feels good. This feels _right_.

His body is reacting to the situation like it never reacted to any first kiss before. This is such a relief in a way. He would have felt like the worst person in the world if, after all of this, he had to tell Simon that he wasn’t feeling it. That, perhaps, he was straight after all. It wasn’t a likely outcome, but it still feels great to rule it out entirely.

Simon’s hands fall from Bram’s face and start exploring his arms and back. Bram feels a little more daring and puts his own hands on Simon’s ass. Simon moans softly against Bram and moves even closer. Bram can feel that Simon’s body is reacting to the kiss too. This realization sends all sorts of shivers down Bram’s spine.

Bram breaks the kiss and looks into Simon’s eyes. They are like melted silver and Bram could get lost in them. He carefully runs his fingers through Simon’s hair. They are still a bit wet, but they feel like they would be really soft once dry.

“So?” Simon asks.

“I’m not thinking about going back,” Bram answers with a smile. Simon smiles back, running his thumb against Bram’s cheek.

It is such an understatement, though. It wasn’t just a great kiss, it might have been the best first kiss Bram ever had. And he wants more. He leans in and Simon grabs his back to pull him close again. Immediately, there is this feeling of want that washes over Bram. He lets his lips wander down Simon’s neck. He only stops when Simon’s nails scrape the nape of his neck and whispers his name in a lustful voice.

“Simon… I know we need to talk about it. You and me, Jacques and Blue… all of it. But I also really want to take you back to the bedroom right now…”

Bram almost expects Simon to get offended. Or gently tell him that it’s too soon. Perhaps laugh it off. Even maybe freak out. He didn’t, however, expect Simon to smile. “That good of a kiss, uh?”

“That good of a kiss! Is it too soon?”

“I don’t know. I want you since that night on the roof. I think I’ve been pretty good. But what about you? This is all very new to you.”

“True. Then again, you do realize I had sex before, right? You’re not exactly going to desecrate me.” Simon smiles. “But, really… should we take this slow?”

“Just take me to your room,” Simon says putting his lips back on Bram’s. Bram hesitates for another second, and Simon whispers: “Please.”

Bram takes Simon by the hand and leads him to the bedroom. There, it’s like the uncontrollable tension he felt in the living room, the one pushing him to ask Simon to go to bed with him after a single kiss, faded out somewhat.

Bram wants to take is time. He wants to enjoy this. He wants Simon to enjoy it. He doesn’t want Simon to even think about going back either. He slowly pulls his own sweater off Simon’s body. Then the t-shirt. At his point, he grants himself a few seconds to contemplate Simon’s bare chest.

He has obviously seen men’s chests before. None he could touch, though. None he realized he wanted to touch. But he wants to touch Simon. He lets his hands map out Simon’s bare skin and Simon lets him.

Bram kisses Simon again and takes him to the bed. His hands are not the only thing exploring Simon’s chest anymore. Simon’s breath is fast and jerky. Simon’s body and noises are affecting Bram more than those of any girl he’s been with before.

This realization, as great as it is in theory, creates something uneasy in Bram’s stomach. He stops what he was doing and levels with Simon. Simon who looks flushed and aroused, and who doesn’t help Bram thing straight. “Simon… is this okay?”

“Kissing down my chest?”

“No… All of this. I feel like I’m experimenting on you. I’m not sure if it’s fair to you.”

“From this end, the experimentation was feeling pretty good. Are you having second thoughts?”

“No, I’m not… It’s just… I don’t know if it’s right.”

“Bram… we don’t have to do this now if you don’t want to. But if you’re only concern is that you think you’re using me… you’re not. I want this. I mean… regardless of how drunk I was, the image of you opening your door half-naked is still haunting me.” Bram smiles, humbled and pleased at the same time. “Besides, it’s going fast, but it’s also been months since our first email. I think I’ve completely fallen for you by now.” Bram pulls back slightly, surprised. Simon winces. “Sorry. Too soon?”

“No. Well… maybe if we look at Bram and Simon, but definitely not for Jacques and Blue. And I feel the same way.”

Simon has the happiest smile Bram has ever seen on that face. It’s saying a lot given how cheerful Simon usually is. “See… it’s all good.” Simon pushes Bram so he would lie on his back and straddles him. “How about we keep experimenting?” Bram nods. “Take your top off.” Bram sits slightly up to obey. Simon runs his fingers down Bram’s torso. “That… is a very sexy body.” Bram could argue that Simon looks incredibly hot too right now, but he also prides himself on the fact that Simon likes what he sees.

Simon’s fingers reach Bram’s belt and as he unbuckles it, Bram pulls him in for a kiss. Getting rid of the rest of their clothes while kissing passionately is a bit tricky but they manage, apparently unable to detach their lips for now.

Bram wraps his fingers around Simon’s member. Just because he can. He stopped lying to himself. It’s there. He’s allowed. It’s not just an obscure desire hidden in his subconscious anymore. Simon starts having a hard time keeping up with the kisses because he’s panting. Then Simon moves back and Bram has to let go, leaving him with a sensation of emptiness. Until Simon starts kissing down Bram’s chest and Bram really likes where this is going.

It shouldn’t be different. Being touched, kissed, sucked, by a man or a woman. Yet it is. Bram has been in relationships before. He’s even been in love. And his sex life was satisfactory. It just wasn’t like this. Like this fire about to ignite whenever Simon touches him, making him want more. Maybe that’s the difference. Between wanting sex and wanting someone. It’s like… He wanted the girls he was with mainly with his mind, his logical brain, whereas every inch of his body seems to want Simon. Maybe that’s why he’s reacting so intensely to everything Simon is doing to him.

Simon’s mouth is warm around Bram and his breathing is starting to turn into moans. He looks down to see Simon’s back moving. The dance of his muscles is hot, mesmerizing, and makes Bram come embarrassingly quick. For a second, he thinks about apologizing, but Simon actually looks pleased with himself.

That’s when Bram realizes that he’s not ready to go further. Not mentally or physically. Practically. Simon seems to notice that something is happening, because he asks: “Bram? Are you alright?”

“I don’t have what we need. I mean… I have condoms, but I don’t have lube.”

“Oh. I do.”

“You brought lube with you?”

“Well… it’s not like I was _planning for this_… it’s just… I went clubbing yesterday, and you know… better safe than sorry, and…” Bram is really enjoying seeing Simon blush. He really doesn’t have to be embarrassed. Actually, Bram is glad that in a drunken-ready-for-sex state of mind, Simon still decided to leave the club and come here to tell him how he felt.

“Where is it?”

“It’s in my jacket… But I don’t remember what I’ve done with it.”

“I’ll get it.”

“Nice ass,” Simon comments as Bram is leaving the room.

Bram turns around and Simon is sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning back, resting on his hands, his hair messier than ever, his incredible grey eyes more intense than ever. “Nice everything,” Bram replies, making Simon blush.

When Bram returns to the bedroom a few seconds later, he doesn’t hand the jacket to Simon. He throws it on the bed instead and kneels in front of Simon’s whose eyes jerk up in surprise, or maybe expectation. Bram wants to return the favor from earlier. He needs it, almost.

Bram makes eye-contact with Simon, somewhat hesitant.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Simon says.

“No, I do want to, it’s just… I don’t know how good I’ll be.” And Simon did set the bar quite high.

Simon’s eyes go soft. “Bram… I’m sure you’re going to be great. But even if you’re not, it’s a blowjob. Do you remember your worst blowjob? I’m sure it was still pretty fun.”

It wasn’t. But Bram is _not_ going to use his teeth, and he gets Simon’s point.

Bram uses his mouth, his tongue, his hands to extract sounds from Simon. Judging by the sounds, he is doing quite well. Simon lets his back fall on the bed and tangles his fingers in Bram’s curls. Bram feels like he’s getting hard again. He’s never been able to get so hard so soon before. It is not surprising, given the circumstances, but Bram still feels empowered and manly by his newly found sexual vigor.

“Bram,” Simon says in a hoarse voice. “Bram, you’re going to make me come…” Bram isn’t sure is Simon always announces his orgasms or if he’s giving Bram a warning. But Bram doesn’t want to stop, even if that means that round two will have to wait. He doesn’t want to do things halfway anymore.

The sounds of a man coming are definitely different from a woman’s and Bram feels like he finally found something he had been looking for forever. This might be the most erotic thing he’s ever heard.

Simon lets go of Bram’s curls and Bram climbs on the bed, hovering over Simon. His eyes are still closed, he is breathing fast, he has a gentle, happy smile on his face. “So… I guess I’m not that bad.”

Simon laughs softly and opens his gorgeous eyes. “Trust me, ‘not that bad’ isn’t the term I would use.” He pulls Bram’s neck to kiss him again. In spite of the release they both got, this kiss is even more passionate and desperate. As if they were both hungry for more.

Within minutes, Bram can feel that Simon is getting hard again, too. Does he always have that stamina, or do Bram and this moment affect him more than expected?

At some point, Simon is on top of Bram kissing him behind the ear. “What do you want?”

Bram understands what Simon is asking. “I don’t know,” he answers truthfully. Of course, he’s thought about it. He still couldn’t tell what attracts him the most, though. “You?”

“I’m fine with either,” Simon answers. “Okay, let’s try something.” Simon puts his hand on Bram’s eyes. “I want you to picture the hottest man you’ve ever seen. Right now, he’s all yours. What do you want to do with him?”

A series of pictures flashes through Bram’s mind. “I want to fuck you,” he answers. It probably won't always be what he wants, but right now, it's what he wants most.

Simon removes his hand and glares at Bram. “You were supposed to picture the hottest guy.”

“Yeah, I’ve done that.”

Simon blushes and bites his lower lip. Bram flips them over and gently runs his fingers on Simon’s cheek. “Would you be fine with that? Me fucking you?”

Simon nods. “Just make me feel good.” That's exactly what Bram wants too. Simon reaches for his jacket and gets the lube out as Bram gets a condom from his bedside table.

Bram had anal sex before. He was very drawn to the act. As if his body and subconscious knew before him. Bram doesn’t want to think about that now. He doesn’t want to recall all the times he lied to himself, how he could have had _this_ much sooner. Then again, maybe it was fate that he had to wait for Simon. Maybe there is some poetry in that entire situation.

There is one difference to be noticed, though. As Bram is working Simon open, he finds this little bump he’s read a lot about but never actually played with. This might be his favorite game ever. Watching Simon’s entire face go lax, hearing his moans get louder and deeper.

Until Simon literally begs Bram to be inside of him. Bram rips the wrapper with his teeth, probably even more eager than Simon.

Bram hesitates a second before pushing in. it’s a stupidly silly line to put, but this feels formal. After this, he will have sealed the deal. After this, he will truly be gay. He will finally be himself.

“Bram? We don’t have to do this now if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to. It’s just… It’s a big step, you know.”

“I’ll be gentle on you,” Simon teases.

Bram chuckles and kisses Simon before pushing in.

It’s definitely the best Bram ever had. It’s not just the fact that it’s a man. It’s definitely Simon. Not even necessarily his skills, it’s the bond that exists between them. This is Jacques and Blue becoming Bram and Simon.

And there are those eyes. Those mesmerizing moon-grey eyes looking at Bram with awe, joy, lust and… love? “Never stop looking at me,” Bram whispers between thrusts and kisses.

“Never stop touching me,” Simon replies, voice barely audible. Bram could definitely settle for that.

When Simon takes charge of things, flips them over, and start riding Bram, Bram entirely loses himself in the moment, the feelings, the pleasure. While absolutely not being passive in their exchange, he lets Simon take complete ownership of the situation, perfectly happy to turn into a mere vessel to Simon’s own pleasure.

Not that he is not enjoying this as much, if not more, as what they have done so far. His orgasm is actually building up, and Bram feels like a ticking bomb. He just hopes he will last long enough to get Simon there too. That they can share their climax.

Simon starts stroking himself on top of Bram, and it is a new revelation for Bram. He used to be almost offended when girls would touch themselves during sex, as if the act was castrating, taking something away from his performance. Looking back, he probably just had something to prove to himself. Right now, however, it looks different. It’s the two of them working together toward a mutual goal. It’s hot, really.

Then, Bram feels Simon’s muscles frantically contract around him, giving him the last push he needed, and they’re both gone.

“Well that was quite a first kiss,” Bram comments as they are both wrapped around each other, limbs entangled, breathing finally back to normal.

Simon laughs. “I promised a great first kiss, didn’t I?”

“And you certainly delivered.”

Simon puts his lips on Bram. The kiss isn’t passionate. It’s sweet. The fire is under control for a while. “You know, it was quite new to me too. I mean… I’ve had relationships, I’ve had hook-ups, I’ve had one-night stands. This was different. It was like there were two parts of me fighting. One that kept screaming that it was a bad idea, that we should take this slow, that you deserved better, that we shouldn’t start things off like this if what we were aiming for was a relationship. And another one that just couldn’t keep its hands off you.”

“I understand perfectly what you mean.”

“Please tell me that I didn’t screw this up. That having sex literally straight away didn’t ruin what we could have.”

There is a genuine concern in Simon’s eyes. He seems scared. To be honest, it is a reflection of Bram’s own fears. He looks at Simon, and he sees so much. The mysterious boy from work that was a part of his true sexual awakening. Jacques the confident, with whom he could be real when he still didn’t how to be with other people and who made him fall one message after another. Simon, the cute guy from the party and the ‘lunch crew’. Simon the friend. Simon the mysterious pen pal. Simon the boy he might lose. Simon the man he might lose. Simon the man he could have. Simon the man he got. Simon the lover. Simon, the man he doesn’t want to let go. All of those things combine to form a massive feeling. The biggest one of all, really.

Is Bram that far gone already?

He is. He knows he is.

“Simon, I’m all in if you are. First boyfriend, remember? And the sex… is really not going to make me reconsider. Quite the opposite.”

Simon relaxes and smiles. “Yeah, we did that pretty well, huh?”

Bram smiles back, happy to know that it was good for Simon’s standards too. “Simon… I…” but Bram doesn’t seem to be able to say it. It might not be too soon for Jacques and Blue, but it’s still a bit soon to verbalize it for him and Simon.

“Me too,” Simon answers regardless.

For a long moment, they just stare at each other, smiling, happy, in their own bubble away from the world.

That’s when Simon’s stomach growls loudly enough to make them both jump.

“It’s my time to deliver,” Bram says. “I promised to get you something to eat, didn’t I?”

“Believe me, I didn’t mind the change of plans. Though, I really could eat something. And have that lazy Sunday in you talked about. You and I on the couch, wrapped in a comfy blanket, watching crap TV, barely paying attention to it. I could see that.”

“And then do you still want to go out? It’s not like you need to seduce me anymore…”

“Bram… we could have been married for fifty years that I would still take you out on dates.” And then Simon blushes. “Not that I’m saying that we’re going to get married, I’m just… you know what I mean!”

“Oh, I’m not sure about that. I love the way you’re blushing right now. So, when you say ‘married’, you mean soon? I’ve seen how quickly you’re moving, and I have to tell you, I’m already taken next weekend, so it’s not happening.”

“Very funny. You’re hilarious. Now, stop making fun of me and feed me,” Simon orders, falsely bossy.

Bram plants one last kiss on Simon’s forehead before letting go and getting out of bed. There is this strange new feeling on his chest. It’s stronger than happiness. It might be bliss.

Was it only yesterday that he thought he might have waited too long to get Simon? It almost seems like a lifetime ago, now. It feels like he turned a new page, and that this is going to be his life from now on.

A life where Simon keeps looking and Bram keeps touching. Yes, he could definitely settle for that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, chapter two, because why not?  
I thought about this version of them and how the would navigate growing as a couple in and out of the bedroom.  
I might add a few random chapters now and then.

Bram doesn’t think this is a view he will grow used to. Who can get used to something so amazingly wonderful?

Simon is in Bram’s kitchen, drinking coffee, working on his laptop. His hair messier than ever, his glasses somehow slightly slanted, looking extremely focused. Bram joins Simon and puts a kiss on his neck.

“Good morning. Any coffee left?”

“Yeah, I made some when you were in the shower.”

It’s been a little over a month and they already have a routine. Even though they work in the same building, they barely see each other during weekdays except for lunch with Garrett and Leah, and sometimes dinner. They see friends on Friday after work. Together or separately. On Saturdays, they do something together. Movie, dinner, exhibit, club… anything, really. And then Sunday, they have a quiet day in.

Not that anything is set in stone, it’s just the fifth weekend in a row things happen that way, and Bram wouldn’t mind a few more weekends like this.

Simon quickly finishes whatever he was working on and shuts his laptop. “Have I ever told you that I love the light in your kitchen?”

“Only every time you've been here,” Bram replies. Simon’s apartment is slightly bigger than Bram’s, more modern as well, but it is a bit dark.

As they chat about anything and everything, Bram allows himself to thin back to the last month and how happy he has been. He cannot really pinpoint it to a single thing, it’s a combination of everything that happened, but really, it was mostly Simon.

Simon – and Jacques – helped Bram get to this point where he doesn’t lie to himself or his family anymore. Even coming out to his father turned out to be easier than he thought. He can barely remember what he was so afraid of before.

Simon brought him to places in the city Bram either knew nothing about or never dared enter. Bram discovered a new community that he apparently is a part of just because Simon brought him in. Bram never was much of a community person – he didn’t even have school spirit – but so far, he is enjoying this.

Bram is also in that phase where everything is better just because you’re in a new relationship. Of course, this one has even more reasons to make Bram happy, but he truly enjoys discovering all those little things about Simon much more than he enjoys discovering the little things about (finally) being in a gay relationship. He can’t believe how much he still has to learn after months of emails. Emails, however deep and personal they get, can never be as personal as the little details that thread everyday life. Like the way Simon sits sideways on the couch when he’s tired so he can rest his head on his bent elbow, the way he instinctively puts a possessive arm around Bram when another man talks to him in a bar before swiftly taking it away when he realizes what he’s doing, how serious he looks when he chops vegetables, how profoundly disappointed he looks when a movie overexplains something, how young he looks when he sleeps, how he has different laughs for different occasions, the sounds he makes when Bram fucks him…

“Bram? Are you listening to me?”

“No, sorry. I was miles away. What were you saying?”

“Nothing important. What were you thinking about?”

There is a much shorter way to say what Bram was thinking about. “I love you.”

Simon’s eyes grow wide and he mechanically puts his coffee down. They have been dancing around the words, but they haven’t said them yet.

Given the smile that’s blooming on Simon’s face, Bram’s timing is perfect.

Simon moves from his chair to Bram in one graceful movement and is now straddling him, smile apparently still growing. “I love you too,” he whispers before giving Bram an equally loving and passionate kiss.

Bram had been told those words before, but never has it felt _like that_ to hear them. Like he is special because he got Simon Spier to love him. Like he can truly be happy and unafraid because of that man kissing him.

Very organically, Simon’s lips start traveling as Bram’s fingers happen to find their way under Simon’s hoodie.

“Do you want me to stop?” Simon asks.

“Absolutely not!’

“I feel like I’m desecrating your beautifully spontaneous statement.”

“Or upgrading it.”

Bram feels Simon’s breath on his neck as he quietly chuckles, and it covers his skin in goosebumps. He pulls on the hoodie and t-shirt, and Simon raises his arms to help Bram remove them. There is something about undressing Simon – or looking at Simon undressing himself – that keeps flustering Bram. Every single time.

“Are we starting to develop a sex addiction?” Simon jokes. “I don’t think I was this horny all the time as a teenager.”

This admission fills Bram with pride. He feels the same way, of course, but his case is obviously different. “Nah, we’re good,” he answers. “We still show up to work and we maintain some social life. It’s all fine!”

“Then again, I totally blame you,” Simon continues between two kisses, untucking Bram’s shirt. “And your incredible bedroom skills.”

A second wave of pride washes over Bram. But he can’t take all the credit for the quality of their sex life. “That’s because you patiently let me experiment on you.”

“I told you before, on this side, the experimentation is pretty fun. Besides, it gives me the opportunity to live the mainstream fantasy of leading someone’s sex-life initiation without the sordid part of finding a barely pubescent teenager.”

“No. Let’s not talk about teenagers right now.” Simon laughs but he apparently thinks that Bram has a point because he drops it and slides his fingers in Bram’s underwear instead. “But… Simon… talking about initiation… how do you feel about switching things up?”

Wherever the ‘experimentation’ took them, Bram had only ever been the top. He’s been wondering about being on the receiving end, but he never felt strongly enough about it to actually act on it. Until now.

Actually… he felt like that yesterday evening already, but they were both quite drunk and it felt safer to stay within the boundaries of familiar.

Right now, though… they are both sober, they are both aroused, and surely they need outstanding sex to follow the big L.

“I’ve been wanting to ask you that exact thing for a few days now,” Simon replies, some awe in his voice. “I just didn’t want you to feel like I was pressuring you”.

Bram never feels like that. First, because Simon is never putting any pressure on him. No matter what he asks, whatever the context, Bram knows he can always say no. But also… there hasn’t been a single time yet when he didn’t want to follow Simon in his adventures. Sexual or otherwise.

“Bedroom?” Simon asks, apparently unable to detach from Bram on his own.

“Bedroom,” Bram confirms.

By the time they reach said bedroom, they are already naked. Simon might have a point when he says that they are acting like teenagers. Bram doesn’t mind. In fact, he loves that he gets a second chance to go crazy over sex. Not that they are in a frenzy either. Actually, maybe that’s normal. Maybe Bram’s sexual appetite used to be limited because of the nature of the sex he was having.

Bram gently pushes Simon on the bed and immediately runs his tongue over Simon’s dick and Simon’s entire body shudders. Before Simon, Bram had obviously thought about performing fellatio on a guy, but he didn’t realize he would enjoy it that much, or consider the feeling of power it would procure him.

He used to see the dynamic of blowjobs the other way around. That, surely, the person receiving had all the power in the exchange. But seeing how he can reduce Simon to nothing but pleasure, how he can make him lose touch with reality, then he cannot doubt that he is the one in control.

Bram is interrupted by Simon pulling on his arms. Bram doesn’t fight it and meets Simon’s lips as the other man flips them. Bram surrenders the power as Simon’s lips change the object of their attention.

They don’t linger very long on Bram’s dick. Simon moves Bram’s legs up, holding his thighs tightly, his lips and tongue starting to work Bram’s ass.

Bram's first response is surprise. He wasn’t expecting that. Not that he had mapped out specifically how this was going to play out, but they have not done that yet, in any way.

Then Bram has the parasitic thought that he is so relieved that he is pretty literally just out of the shower.

Finally, he can focus on the feeling. It is very new and it takes him a minute or two to decide if he likes it. When he resolves that he does, he can properly relax and enjoy the feeling. He hears himself be reduced to loud moans and irregular breathing.

The feeling stops abruptly and Simon says “Hold that thought,” before leaving the room. It takes Bram a moment to understand that Simon is brushing his teeth. Bram is somewhat grateful; he doesn’t know where he stands on kissing after a rim job.

Bram scavenges his nightstand only to find a very empty condom box. Right. Last night was eventful. He groans in frustration. He has more somewhere, surely, but how annoying is it to have to look for them _now_?

Part of him understands that it is partially hypocritical to only use condoms for actual sex while having unprotected oral, but that’s an internal debate for another time and for now Bram to remembers where he put the other box of condoms. Bathroom, maybe?

Yet, because Simon is perfect, he comes back with a wide smile and a condom. “You’re the best!” Bram comments.

“If I recall properly, _you_ were the best _yesterday_,” Simon replies voice full of innuendo.

Bram pulls him in bed and Bram is happy he doesn’t have to hesitate before passionately kissing his boyfriend.

“I haven’t done that in a while,” Simon tells Bram as he is positioning himself after guiding Bram to a comfortable bottom position.

Bram raises an eyebrow, surprised. Not that Simon would not have topped in a while, but that he would be nervous about it. He has been so caught up about his own nervousness about the novelty of it all that he completely overlooked Simon’s feelings. Sure, gay sex isn’t new to Simon, but Bram is and although they have been very good at it so far, they are still discovering each other’s likes and kinks, and that is always partially awkward and scary. Plus, knowing Simon, he is probably desperate to make sure that Bram is enjoying his new sex life. After all, he is the one who promised ‘a first kiss that great that Bram wouldn’t even think of going back’.

“What is it that you told me the first time?” Bram tries to recall. “Oh, yeah. _Just make me feel good_.” And just like that, Simon’s smile is back.

“Okay… I can do that… Actually… tell me if it doesn’t feel good, alright?”

“I will,” Bram promises.

If Bram is honest, he gets really close to asking Simon to stop pretty much immediately. It is very uncomfortable and he doubts that it is going to be worth it.

“Relax,” Simon tells him. “It’s not going to be nice for any of use if you’re all tense. Just breathe and push out.”

Bram does that. It helps a bit. Then it helps a lot.

As soon as he is into it, he doesn’t want Simon to stop anymore. Ever. It’s all the good kinds of overwhelming, both physically and emotionally.

“I love you, Simon.” The words made it out almost on their own and Bram doesn’t think he would have been able to keep them in. He is quite happy that he already told Simon that before. It would have taken some of the meaning away if the first time he said these words had been first exchanged during sex.

“I love you too, Bram… Blue…” Bram always feels closer to Simon when he calls him by his alias. It makes him think to all the coincidences that brought them together and how perfect for him Simon – and Jacques before that – has been for him all along.

Then Simon changes his position slightly and the strongest wave of pleasure ever washes over Bram. Simon is hitting directly on his prostate. Simon picks up on Bram’s change in noise – although it would be hard to miss – and keeps moving just like that.

Bram sort of wants to ask Simon to go faster, but he also feels that he shouldn’t put his boundaries too far for a first time.

Instead of greedily wanting more, Bram focuses on the range of new feelings blooming all over his body. He lets himself enjoy the spikes of pleasure radiating every time Simon thrusts in him, each time feeling more intense.

Until, finally, Bram sees stars and forgets everything else. He is aware of Simon’s own orgasm, but that somehow seems miles away.

Bram is lying on his back, breath almost back to normal, fingers softly playing with Simon’s hair as his head rests on Bram’s chest.

Bram enjoys this part as much as the sex. The calm, cuddling part that’s all tenderness and no fire.

“Did I?” Simon asks.

“Did you what?”

“Make you feel good.”

Bram can’t help a quiet laugh. “You did.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“I don’t know. It was all new to you. How was it? I mean… I could tell you were enjoying it, but… where do you stand now? How regular do you want this to be?”

This is a good question that leaves Bram thinking for a few moments. “I’m not sure. It’s a bit weird, actually. I loved it. Easily ten out of ten. And yet… I _do_ want to do it again, but… maybe not every time? Maybe not even most times. Does that make sense?”

“It does,” Simon confirms. “You know, you don’t have to be all one, all the other, or perfectly in the middle.”

“Am I on a sex-spectrum now?”

Bram can feel Simon smile against him. “Something like that. Sex is personal.”

“Does my position on the spectrum work for you?”

“I really enjoyed what we just did. As you said, ten out of ten. But I’m like you. I wouldn’t particularly want it to be the main course every time.” Bram lets that think in for a moment. He can’t believe that, once more, they match so perfectly. “Hey. What are you thinking about?” Simon asks, head tilted so he can look at Bram, fingers softly running along his jawline.

“I’m so happy with you,” Bram answers.

Simon gets his usual wide happy smile. “I need to ask you that question more often. So far, I loved every single answer.”

“It’s not just because of the first boyfriend thing,” Bram adds. “You know that, right?”

“I do know that. And you make me very happy too. I don’t usually jump into a relationship. I tend to do casual dating first. That could not satisfy me with you. I see you pretty much every day, and it still doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t know how much of that comes from our emails and what is just us.”

“Does that scare you?”

“Sometimes. But it’s more… I’m afraid I’m the only one feeling this way and you’ll grow fed up with me at some point. Or want to explore more than just me.”

Bram shifts a bit so he can hold Simon tighter. “And sometimes I’m afraid you will be fed up with how green I am at all of this. Simon, I’m all in.”

“I know. It’s just thoughts I have sometimes. And after today, I’m not worried. You and I, we’re really in this for the long haul, right?”

“God, I hope so!”

“Good. Because I would like to ask you something.”

“Anything.”

“I would like to have dinner with you on Thursday.”

“Simon, I’d love to, but I have dinner with my mom on Thursdays.” Simon looks at Bram like he’s particularly thick. “_Oh_. We’re at the ‘meet the parents’ stage, are we?”

“Technically, I already met your mom. But I would love to meet her again fully clothed, not walking out of your bedroom and as your boyfriend. Unless you think it’s too soon, I would understand that.”

“It’s not too soon. She has been asking about you a lot, actually.”

“Really?” Simon seems really pleased about that. “So… can I, then?”

“Sure! As soon as we leave this room, I’ll call her to let her know. But I warn you: she will want to cook all your favorite and you’ll gain five pounds from just one meal.”

Simon smiles and Bram looks at the mesmerizing color his eyes take. He keeps slowly working his hand up and down Simon’s back.

Just as they agreed. Simon keeps looking and Bram keeps touching…


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought that this version of them would keep growing strong and experimenting.  
Also, this time I sort of shied away from the big hot scene, but I couldn't get the balance right. Plus you've probably noticed that what I like the most about sex scenes is exploring the emotional aspect that goes with it.  
I guess I do cute better than hot...
> 
> Anyhow. Here is me working on side stories instead of the main ones, just because ;)  
I even have a few more chapters planned for this version of them. This multiverse is definitely growing...

Bram is lying on Simon’s bed. His boyfriend is still in the bathroom, so he looks around. They spend more time at Bram’s, and Bram isn’t a hundred percent familiar with the place yet.

He starts by having a look at Simon’s bedside table. He knows that it is very revealing of a person. If the two of them weren’t so serious yet, it would even feel like snooping. On the stand are a recent book that Bram hasn’t read yet but has already bought, his phone (which is not password protected but that Bram is not going to touch because that is exactly what trust is: a two-way relationship), and a box of tissues.

Bram opens the drawer – because it’s _always_ where the interesting stuff is – and has a quick look. As predicted, is it where Simon stores his ‘fun supplies’. Condoms and lube – basics – in a large enough quantity that Bram is pretty sure they’re going to have a lot of fun this weekend. Handcuffs – Simon is quite into them. Some toys they never used together and that Bram wonders if Simon used on his own or with other men. If it’s the latter, Bram sort of wonders when Simon will be bringing that into their sex life. Some wipes. A book. That catches Bram’s eyes and he takes it out of the drawer.

As predicted, the book is one that belongs in that drawer and that Simon probably reads during his long lonely nights… Bram opens the book in the middle, just to get an idea of the content, and the book opens itself on what probably is a particularly read page.

Bram is pleasantly surprised. The book is well-written, the style is pretty good, it is easy to read… it is also _really hot_ without being plainly crude.

Bram had planned to read only a couple of paragraphs, but he is on his fifth page when Simon enters the room.

“What are you reading?”

“Your secret book of wonders.”

“Oh. Having fun?”

“More than I expected.”

Simon joins Bram on the bed. “I can tell,” Simon comments brushing Bram’s erection. Simon starts kissing Bram’s neck and Bram puts the book away. “No, don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Bram asks, confused.

“Just keep reading,” Simon replies kissing down Bram’s chest.

“You’re crazy,” Bram breathes out. But he grabs the book back anyway.

Bram is dreamily drinking his coffee, leaning against the sink. Simon’s kitchen is a bit dark but has a great view of the city.

Simon joins Bram and puts his head on Bram’s shoulder and Bram uses his free hand to gently rub Simon’s neck. Simon is always extra cuddly and affectionate in the morning, especially before his coffee.

“My dad texted,” Simon says. “They want to know if we’ll join them for Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Year.”

“That’s months away.”

“They must see how in love I am… plus I might have told them I found the one.” Bram heard this sentence before from one of his girlfriends. It terrified him back then, giving him this terrible feeling of being trapped. From Simon, however, these words make him feel happy and warm. He feels the same way and it is almost a blessing that the feeling is mutual. That they even found each other.

“Just pick any,” Bram says. “I’ll celebrate the other ones with my mom and dad.”

“We.”

“Sorry?”

“We’ll celebrate the other ones with your mom and dad.”

Bram’s arm pulls Simon a bit closer. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Just let me know when you’ve texted your father.”

“That’s not happening. I’ll call, but I won’t text. He needs to stop using ‘lmao’ as punctuation. It’s driving me crazy!” Bram laughs and Simon takes his cup of coffee to finish it. Like every morning. They started using larger mugs.

“So… that book of yours…” Bram starts, “it looks like it has been read a lot…”

“It has,” Simon confirms. “I don’t have much imagination and I find movies distracting. But I’m sure that me using a book for _fun_ turns on the nerd inside of you.”

“It does,” Bram confirms. “And…. That’s what you’re into?”

“It very much depends on which chapter you were reading.”

“They were more than two.”

“Aah. Nice chapter. No, that’s not particularly what I’m into.”

“Have you done that before?”

“A threesome? Yes, once or twice.”

Bram is a bit surprised at the nonchalance with which Simon says that. “You don’t remember if that was once or twice?”

“Oh, it’s that kind of talk,” Simon realizes. “I’ve done it three times. Twice with a boyfriend in college that was into it and then once as a guest with a couple from Florida.”

“What was it like?”

Simon shrugs. “I don’t know. Fun, I guess. Have you never tried that?”

“No, Simon. I never had sex with a man before you, let alone two.”

“I know that, but haven’t you ever had sex with two women?”

“Absolutely not. One vagina was stressful enough, thank you very much.”

Simon bursts out laughing. “Yeah, I get that!”

Bram wonders if it is something Simon would like to incorporate in his sex-life again. He called it ‘fun’. But he can’t ask yet. Not if he doesn’t know how he feels about it. Bram is very aware that Simon had years of an active gay sex-life before him and Bram doesn’t know if he can fulfill all of Simon’s needs. Not that his boyfriend ever complained, but…

The idea doesn’t really leave Bram’s mind. The next few days are a bit crazy at work and they do not get to see each other, apart from lunch with Garrett, Leah, and Abby. That’s hardly the place to discuss sexual experiments.

On the fourth day, as Bram finally leaves work, Simon is waiting for him by the elevator.

“Hey! Isn’t it your day off?”

“It is. But After four days, I was missing my busy-schedule-boyfriend. I thought we could grab dinner.”

Bram lands a grateful kiss on his boyfriend’s lips. “That sounds great. And then maybe we can go out? Blow off some steam?”

“I’m always down for that!”

Tonight, because of the thoughts he had lately, Bram is acutely aware of all the other men at the club. The way they look at Simon even when they realize he is spoken for, the way some of them look at Bram… For the first time ever, Bram doesn’t feel like the world ends at Simon. The world is actually full of possibilities. None that he wants to seize, but possibilities nonetheless.

“Where are you?” Simon asks as he joins Bram in bed.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been miles away all evening. Is it work?”

“Yes,” Bram lies. “No,” he corrects himself instantly. “It’s not work.”

“What is upsetting you, then?”

“I’m not upset. Not exactly. I was just wondering if you’re happy with me.”

Simon’s eyes open wide. His face is nothing but surprise and Bram finds that very reassuring. “Happy with you? Have I shown you signs that I wasn’t?”

“No.”

Simon exhales, visibly relieved. “Okay, good. Because I am so happy, Bram. More than I’ve ever been. Where is this coming from?”

Bram shrugs, uneasy. “I don’t know. It’s just… you’ve had your life with men, and I had… you. I’m not sure I can fully satisfy you.”

“Is it about that stupid book?”

“Maybe…”

“Okay. Bram… you’re supposed to be the smart one, here. The book is just a book. There are many things that I like to think about when I’m getting off and that doesn’t necessarily mean that I need them in real life. Or even want them. And you… have been very adventurous with me. If I ever want to try something, I ask you. Every time. If you said no, that would be fine. That, however, hasn’t happened yet.” Simon sighs. “Which makes _me_ wonder if, maybe, _I’m_ holding you back.”

“What? How?” That’s the craziest thing Bram has ever heard. If anything, Simon has set him free.

“You found out you were gay, and Blue and Jacques happened. We became a thing pretty quickly and it’s been _amazing_. But maybe you’d like some room for experimentation. Meet other guys, try more than me, and… Bram, do you want an open relationship? Even for a little while?”

“No!” The word came out even before Bram could think it. He doesn’t want to envision other hands touching Simon, and he doesn’t want to be explored by anyone else. Not even as a fantasy.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to look back in a few years and think that you’ve missed out on something…”

“Simon… any experimentation I’m doing, I want to do with you. I want us to have fun together. I want you to show me what it can be like. I want us to grow closer. What I don’t want, what I never wanted, is doing any of that with anyone else.”

Simon looks happy, relieved, grateful… And then a bit cheeky when he adds: “You know… there is always the compromise…”

When Simon threw the idea out there, it was mostly a joke. But the topic came back. More than once. Sometimes from Simon, sometimes from Bram.

Until they came up with a list of rules for something that was ‘just an idea’.

“We can’t do that,” Bram says one evening as they are chopping vegetables.

“Of course, we can,” Simon replies. “If we want to. That’s the real question. Do we want to do this?”

“I don’t know,” Bram truthfully answers. They both look at each other, and they understand that, in this case, a ‘maybe’ is much closer to a ‘yes’ than a ‘no’. “Is it something you want?” Bram asks.

Simon shrugs. “Yes and no. Do I actively want this? As in ‘do I think that our sex life won’t be as good if we don’t do it’, then no. Am I open to the idea and do I think it could be fun? Yes.” Bram is almost annoyed at how casual Simon is about this. Don’t he get how big of a deal that would be for Bram? He never considered himself to be a threeway kind of person. And he doesn’t know how he feels about allowing his partner to be touched by someone else and enjoy it. How is this so okay with Simon? Isn’t he even a little bit jealous? “Look, Bram… I don’t want you to take it the wrong way, but… I’ve had my crazy sex exploration phase when I was in college. It was very fun and very fulfilling for a while. But then I realized that it wasn’t anymore. That boyfriend that I did that with a couple of times… He was looking for the thrill of sex when I was starting to look for more intimacy. We sort of broke up because we were at a different point in our journey. And that was fine. With you, though… I don’t know. Sex absolutely cannot be the reason why I lose you. But… it also doesn’t feel like I’m stepping out of my comfort zone for you. I don’t know… it’s like wherever you are on your journey, I want to be there with you. I feel like our journey is completely a part of my journey and it always seems that we are chasing a new form of intimacy rather than a new thrill. I know that it would be the same even if we included someone else. And it would give you the opportunity to try something else without any of us feeling like it’s weakening us. But again, it doesn’t mean that we do or don’t have to do this. I truly am fine either way.” Then he looks at Bram and seems unable to read his boyfriend’s face. “What?”

“Simon, I’m so in love with you.”

Bram still doesn’t know what he wants to do. But he is not afraid anymore.

Bram is nervous. He still wants this, and it was definitely his idea, but his heart is still beating faster than usual and his stomach isn’t entirely at rest.

“You look a bit nervous,” Simon comments, always able to tell when Bram is uncomfortable.

“I am. I’ve never done this.”

“I know.”

“No, I mean… even hook-ups and one-night stands… I have no idea about the etiquette.”

Simon chuckles and comes to cup the younger boy’s face. “Don’t worry about that. The only thing that matters is that everyone feels safe and enjoys themselves. The rest doesn’t matter.”

Bram nods. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I am. You? We can still call it off or postpone.”

“No, it’s fine. I want to do this. With you.”

Bram’s last sentence makes Simon smile. “So… when we joke about me looking and you touching… Would you like for me to just watch?”

“No!” Then Bram takes a second to think about it. “Although it would be hot, I think… I think it would frustrate me to have you so close and not be able to touch you, no matter what else would be happening.”

Simon seems pleased by that answer. “And remember, you’re allowed to fuck him, but you can only make love to me.” Bram loves that mix of bossy and insecure Simon.

“Don’t worry. As much as I am going to respect Mark as a person… he is just an accessory. Out of our lives as quickly as he made it in.” And Bram was very surprised at how quickly you can find someone for a threesome that can line up with what you are looking for. Within a day of deciding they wanted to go for it, they had found Mark, decided on rules and boundaries with him, had a quick Facetime call to make sure that the guy wasn’t just a creep or a psycho, met him for a drink to check that there was some chemistry, and decided a day for there actual… ‘encounter’.

“You still seem nervous. Do you want us three to chat or have a drink when he gets here? Start slow?”

“No. I told you. I don’t need to bond with him. Not any more than we already did, that is. Only you.” Then, as usual when he is a bit nervous about what they are going to do, he adds. “Just make me feel good.”

“I’m on it.” There is a knock on the door. “We’re on it.” Simon opens the door, greets Mark, and points at Bram. “Tonight we’re focusing on him. Mark seems fine with that.

He knows that they are just doubled but it feels like there are so many hands and lips on Bram. It is all so overwhelming. Most often in a very good way. A couple of times in a way that makes him need a break. Simon and Mark happily adapt. Just like Bram adapts naturally when one of them voices – or otherwise expresses – a similar feeling.

Bram is not forgetting about Mark and he is making sure that he is having a good time, but this moment is also weirdly all about Bram and Simon. He wouldn’t even know how to explain this. It doesn’t matter. He’ll settle for living and feeling it.

The sex was much longer than usual. Bram doesn’t actually remember ever having sex for that long. It was like there was always something happening to ignite him again.

But all three of them did reach their contentment limit and Mark is now gone.

They tidied the bedroom, they showered, and Bram and Simon are now idly sitting in front of a TV they’re not really watching. The sound isn’t even on.

“So?” Simon asks. “Did you feel good?”

“I did.” Bram feels a slight heat on his cheeks. “He was very good.”

“Indeed,” Simon agrees.

“You’re still better.”

Simon raises an eyebrow. “Flatterer!”

“I mean it.”

“I believe you. You’re way better too.” Bram isn’t sure he believes that. “Or maybe we’re both just okay and magic happens when we’re together.” That, Bram can believe.

“Thank you,” Bram says.

“What for?”

“For doing this with me. For giving me a bit of freedom to explore gay sex while still making me feel very secure in my relationship.”

“And thank you for making me feel like I was a part of this. That it was about me too.”

“Si, of course it was. I felt so in love with you. I don’t think I would have done anything like that with anyone else.”

“To be fair, I didn’t think I would do something like that again. With a partner, I mean. Being the guest was quite fun. There were no feelings to be hurt. But with you… there wasn’t any second of this where I felt like I was losing you to him. Not even when I was only partially involved in the action.” They are silent, just lazily laying against each other on the couch. Then Simon asks: “So… is it something you want to do again?”

“I thought we agreed that we wouldn’t see Mark again.”

“Oh, absolutely not. There is too much of a chance that he’s going to fall in love with you,” Simon replies. His tone is light, but Bram can sense that there is a deep seriousness behind his words. “And I don’t think I could share you. But… just the sex part… is it something you want to do again?”

“Not really,” Bram answers truthfully. “It’s weird, it’s… I’m glad we did it. It was fun, and hot, and thrilling… and I’m not saying never again either, but… I actually like it better when it’s just you and me.”

Bram is a bit nervous saying this. What if Simon had a lot of fun and Bram wasn’t enough anymore? Or what if he had been reminded that there are men with much more experience out there?

“Just you and me,” Simon repeats dreamily. “I like what we just did. A lot. But I love it when it’s just you and me.” Somehow, this sentence sounds like it was meant for more than just sex…

Bram can’t help but smile. He is so grateful for this app that got them together in the first place. He is so happy since Simon came into his life. More than he has ever been.

And maybe Bram should just be content with what he has now. Not try to greedily take more. But he knows there is a way he could be even happier. And he doesn’t want for it to be just a thought in his mind anymore. “Simon?” The other man hums quietly. “You know how you love the light in my kitchen but I prefer the view from yours? Or how I prefer your bathroom but you say that my shower has better water pressure? Or that there is a great park next to my apartment, but you have very convenient shops next to yours?”

“You’re such a dork,” Simon says, smiling, catching Bram off-guard.

“I’m sorry?”

“I have been waiting for weeks for you to give me a sign that it was okay to ask, or even for you to ask, and that’s how you bring it up?” Does Simon really know what Bram was about to say? Apparently, he does, since he answers before Bram can actually formulate his actual question. “Yes, Bram. I would love to look for the perfect apartment with you with perfect light, view, water pressure, park, stores, hardwood floors… and move in with you.”

“Really?”

“Only if it has the best bedroom. A place where I will look, you will touch, and we’ll make each other feel good whenever we feel like it.”

Yep. His life is perfect…


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn't a follow up from the list, the winning story is still being written (although... there will be a twist there), but you know me, I can never commit to just one project at a time...
> 
> I hope you're still not bored of this version of these two, I hope I don't write them too ridiculously in love, I hope you'll enjoy!
> 
> And I hope you're all having a great day :D

This place has everything they wanted. The neighborhood is great, it is close enough to work so commuting won’t be an issue but far away that they won’t feel like they live at work, the kitchen has the light and the view, the bathroom has a shower with great water pressure and that easily fits two (not that they had a chance to try yet), the living room is classic but spacious, there is a room they can use as an office, but they mainly fell in love with the bedroom.

The wooden floor, the color of the wall but, most importantly, the massive window practically replacing the entirety of one of the walls, with no building opposite and the view is even better than the kitchen. Bram is pretty sure that they will be able to see breathtaking sunrises from here.

However, none of that matters remotely as much as the fact that it is _their_ place. Finally. Bram moved in with his boyfriend and he couldn’t be happier.

He has lived with a woman for a few months once, but… none of it felt like this. Sure, he and Simon have only moved in two days ago, and with the move, the unpacking, friends and family coming to see the new place, they barely even had time to spend time together and enjoy their apartment, but even the process of looking, choosing furniture, packing… All of that kept giving Bram crazy butterflies.

He was – and still is – so excited about this new life they are building.

He is also a little overwhelmed by the commitment. Sure, they are only just renting, but this is still both of them saying that they want to spend as much time as they can together, that they want to picture the same thing when they think of ‘home’, that they belong to each other, at least for the foreseeable future.

Their friends wanted to celebrate the big move but the apartment isn’t ready for any sort of housewarming, although they planned to host something later that month, they also wanted to seize that opportunity to celebrate. It is a big step, it makes them happy, and they want to make an even bigger deal out of it.

It is Bram’s first _real_ relationship, as in with a man, finally admitting who he is and what he wants, but it is also Simon’s most committed relationship. He had roommates before, but he never moved in with anyone before. He sort of lived with a guy once, but he didn’t let go of his apartment and he was back in it before long.

When Simon told Bram that story, it panicked Bram a little bit. What if the two of them weren’t compatible? Should Bram keep his apartment too? He can’t afford two rents, but… Simon calmed him down, saying that he had already handed his notice to his landlord. He just wanted to tell Bram how different that felt. How impatient and excited he was about their new place. Not just because they both fell in love with the apartment, but because they were moving one step closer from boyfriends to partners.

That once sentence made Bram’s entire body shiver. He hadn’t thought of it that way before. Suddenly, and he understands that nothing is set in stone, Simon felt like a possible forever.

Bram is still wrapped in that overwhelming feeling, and maybe a little drunk too, when they come back from celebratory drinks with their friends.

Simon pulls Bram into his arms the moment they shut the door, and they are instantly all over each other.

The apartment isn’t entirely familiar yet and Bram has to check distances as he drags his boyfriend – _partner _– to _their _bedroom. The room is still pretty bare and needs decorating (and a bit more unpacking), but it already feels comfortable, homey, and safe. Plus, it has a bed and that’s all they need.

They collapse on said bed and Simon feels more intoxicating than ever. Bram is horny and in love. At this moment, in no specific order.

They take their tops off and Bram’s hands fall on Simon’s belt, starting to unbuckle it. Simon’s hands grab Bram’s wrist, and he whispers: “Hey, Bram, wait a minute.”

Stopping is the absolute last thing that Bram wants and it takes him second to properly detach his lips from Simon and stop touching him everywhere.

“Are you alright?” Bram whispers, mildly concerned.

“Yeah… No?”

Bram smiles. “Do you want us to stop rather than ‘wait a minute’?”

“I think so. I’m sorry, I’m feeling drunk, and sick, and tired, and… not in the best headspace for sexy time.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s fine.”

“But it’s not. We’ve been here for three days and we still haven’t had sex.”

“It’s not like water or electricity, you know? We can actually live in the apartment _before_ having sex in it.”

“I know, but…”

“Simon, honestly. Don’t worry. Whether or not you’ve been drinking, if you don’t feel like it, it’s fine. It’s always fine. Do you want to cuddle instead?”

Simon nods. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Me too. Come here.”

Falling asleep, Bram feels slightly frustrated, but it’s completely lost in how happy he is. He didn’t lie, it really is fine. What fun would there be in having sex with someone who doesn’t feel like it? Even worse, someone who said ‘no’?

And he knows that in the morning, he won’t even remember having to stop in his tracks. He will, however, be blissfully happy to wake up with Simon by his side. Or, more likely since he does that whenever he is a little drunk, with Simon wrapped around him.

“I love it,” Simon says as they are having breakfast in the kitchen.

“Thanks. But it’s just eggs.”

“I don’t mean the eggs, you dork. Although, they are really good, and I love you for feeding my poor hungover body. I mean… everything. This kitchen, having breakfast with you in a place that’s not yours or mine, but ours, knowing that I will go to bed with you tonight, wake up with you tomorrow morning, and keep repeating this cycle without having to worry about getting clean laundry or some work I left on my desk, or… anything. It’s like… you’re not an addition to my life anymore. You are my life.” After a pause, he adds: “In a non-weird, non-codependent kind of way, of course.”

“Don’t worry. I get it. I feel the same. It still seems like a dream, doesn’t it?”

“It will probably fade away when we have our first fight about dirty dishes, or the TV being too loud when one of us is trying to sleep, or something.”

“I’d like to think that we won’t fight over petty things like this, but I also hope that we will only ever have to fight over petty things like this.”

Simon laughs and takes another bite. “Although, you know what? I also love the eggs.”

Bram smiles, proud. He’s making Simon happy. Not just with eggs, with everything they have. Apparently just as happy as he feels himself.

“Do you want to go take a walk in our new neighborhood today?” Simon asks.

“Oh, I’d love to, but I have some work I need to finish. With everything, I’ve been falling behind. Tomorrow, if I work enough today? I’d actually like to get the feel of our new environment on a Sunday.”

“Sure.”

“I’m sorry for being a buzzkill. Maybe later today, actually, if I work enough. Or…”

“Or nothing. Bram, seriously, stop apologizing or compromising. I’m not disappointed. Go do your work. I’ll have a lazy morning, then make us lunch, and unpack a few boxes this afternoon. You’ll join when you’re done. Okay?”

“How are you so perfect?” Bram asks.

“I’m not. I’m just trying to be worthy of you,” Simon replies, a bit playful.

“Bram, are you still working?” Simon asks at some point in the afternoon.

Bram is still working, but he is nearly done. He was so in the zone that he has no idea what time it is or what Simon has been doing for the last hour. “I am, but I’m nearly done.”

“Do you have to finish now?”

“Not really, but I’d like to get it out of the way. And then you can have my complete attention all evening and tomorrow.”

“Are you sure it can’t wait?”

“Why?” Bram looks up and he immediately understands why. In front of the couch is a very naked Simon with a very impressive erection. “It can most definitely wait.”

Bram shuts his laptop down and starts taking his clothes off, following Simon who is slowly walking back to the bedroom. Apparently, their new bed is just about to see some action for the first time. Now that he isn’t drunk, Bram is nearly nervous about that. As if their first time here should be memorable, or stand out, or something.

There is actually something in his mind that could go with all the steps they are taking right now.

He is about to suggest it when Simon interrupts him: “It’s going to be so good,” he says, making Bram shiver and almost whine in anticipation. Of course, it’s going to. It’s always good. “I will make it up to you for yesterday,” Simon adds and Bram has to stop them for a second.

“Hey, wait, no. Don’t say that. Don’t even think that. You don’t owe me sex. Ever.”

“I know, but… It was a bit frustrating for me to stop when I was the one feeling a bit queasy, so it must have been frustrating for you too.”

“True,” Bram admits. “But I don’t mind. And next time it happens, from you or from me, I don’t want us to feel weird about stopping things, or feeling that we have to compensate later. Okay?”

Simon sheepishly smiles. “I’m sorry.”

“We just said you didn’t have to be.”

“No, not for that. For thinking that you somehow could be the kind of person who would get annoyed at something like that. But of course, you wouldn’t. Because you’re the perfect one.”

Bram’s heart melt. He’s not perfect. Neither is Simon. But maybe perfect for each other is better.

They start kissing again, it’s slower and more sensual at the same time. Bram wants more and keeps getting undressed until he can fell Simon’s naked skin all over his body.

For the second time, Bram is about to suggest his idea to Simon when his boyfriend interrupts him. At least, this time Simon brings up the correct topic. “Please tell me we have unpacked the condoms already. I don’t feel like scavenging right now. At least not boxes,” he adds with a dirty tone.

Bram giggles but gets serious again. Now is his chance to ask. Simon just offered him the best way to do it naturally. “Actually, Simon… I was thinking… Should we stop? Not _this_. This is awesome and I really want to continue. Should we stop using condoms?” This wasn’t the smooth delivery that Bram had planned in his head.

He also didn’t expect Simon to freeze, look nervous, or to have his erection go a little soft against Bram’s thigh. “You want to have bareback sex?”

“Well… I wasn’t planning on using any terminology that we can find on a porn video, but… yes, I guess I do.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Why?”

Bram genuinely didn’t expect this question. But Simon seems genuinely confused and Bram wants to understand where this is coming from. “Because I love you and I want to be close to you. As close as possible. Because it feels really good. Because I have been thinking about it since you called me your partner the other day. Because it’s cheaper and less hassle. Because I want to know what it feels like to just be inside of you. A lot of reasons.”

Simon bites his bottom lip but doesn’t say anything.

“Simon, we don’t have to do this, but I need you to talk to me. We were both tested after that time with Mark so I know it’s not about that. What is it then?”

Simon blushes a bit. “I… I actually never had sex without a condom.”

“Really? Like… ever?” Simon shakes his head in response. “So… I get to introduce you to something for once?”

Simon smiles, apparently relieved, as if he was worried that Bram would make fun of him or something. Bram would never. Especially after Simon was so patient when Bram had to discover gay sex, life, and culture, nearly fifteen years later than he should have.

“Have you?” Simon asks. “Have had unprotected sex before, I mean.”

“I have. Two of my girlfriends were pretty serious relationships, so we moved from condoms to the pill. Back when I thought that this was my life.”

“How does it feel?”

“Feelings and sensations are obviously very subjective, but I like it better. I know that some people just like to feel things directly, and I guess I do too, but I also like the sense of trust that comes with it. It double triggers me, I guess.”

“It might be different with a man.”

“I see your point, but remember that I always was really keen on anal sex.”

Simon nods. He doesn’t really look nervous anymore, but he doesn’t look serene either.

“Okay, Si, here is what we’re going to do. We’ll keep the condoms, but the idea is out there. Whenever you’re ready.”

“No, I want that. What you said. All your reasons were good reasons. You and I… we shouldn’t have sex like we’re a booty call or whatever. I want to make love to you and I want to feel all of you. Also… sometimes I have this thought about you. That there wasn’t any boy before because you were waiting for me.”

“You never told me that.”

“No, because it’s incredibly egotistical. And I know it’s a silly thought. But it makes me feel warm. And maybe… I could never trust anyone with bareback sex before because I was waiting for you. I know it’s not the same, and I know it’s still stupid, but… God, Bram, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. And I wasn’t even waiting for you.”

“You’re the best thing that happened to me too, Simon. And I was definitely waiting for you,” he adds with a wink.

He can feel Simon getting hard again, and that’s enough to bring him back into the action too. For just a second, they stare at each other. The way Simon is looking at him, eyes full of love, trust, and fragments of moon, is almost more than Bram can handle.

Simon is looking, so Bram does his part and starts touching. Soon, they are both ready to move forward and Bram takes a second to say: “So… I… uhm… I might not last as long.”

Simon chuckles. “I’m going to feel that good, huh?”

“Something like that.”

“Okay. Just make me feel good too,” Simon whispers, using their stupid cheesy line, but which always turns Bram on.

It doesn’t feel as good as Bram remembers. It feels better. Physically and mentally. The physical part, he expected. That’s what he was chasing. But the mental part… he knew he would be moved by Simon trusting him like that, body and soul, but he didn’t realize how formal it would feel.

The previous times he took that step, it was nice and thrilling, but it was just a step. There was a bit of a ‘whatever’ factor. There is none of that now. It feels like they are handing each other everything. Body, soul, heart, health, hopes, happiness… all of that is laid there, for the other person to take care of or destroy.

“Simon, I love you so much.”

“Tell me again how I feel,” Simon replies, apparently fulfilling some kind of light kink he didn’t know he had.

“You feel so good, baby. Better than anything I’ve ever known. Like you’re soon going too good to handle.” After every sentence, Simon whines softly, almost more lost in the words than in the sex. Simon seems to be very into praise today and Bram is happy to indulge him.

When Bram’s breathing rhythm is starting to giving away his building orgasm, Simon says: “No, wait. I want to ride you for this.”

Those words alone could have been enough to make Bram come. Luckily they don’t and they manage to switch position.

Bram starts moving under Simon but Simon’s hands pin his hips down gently but firmly. “Don’t. Let me take care of you.”

Bram almost can’t handle how in love he is right now. He knows he loves Simon a little more every day and he is fairly sure that at some point, his heart is going to explode, not able to expand fast enough to keep up…

And just as he is thinking that, he comes inside Simon with a deep grunt, eyes shut close. A couple of seconds later, he feels something warm on his stomach. Simon came too.

Simon falls on his back next to Bram, chests not touching but legs still somehow intertwined.

“That was great,” Simon comments.

“Yes, it was,” Bram answers dreamily. He is satisfied. It was a good way to christen their bedroom.

“Can I say something weird?” Simon asks.

“How weird?”

“I kind of love knowing that there is still some of you in me.” Bram can handle that kind of weird.

“Hey, Simon? How do you feel about a quick shower, and then ice-cream in front of the TV?”

“Condomless-daytime-sex instead of work _and_ an unhealthy snack? You are living quite decadently today…”

“Maybe living with you had a bad influence on me. But I love it.”

“I love it too. Actually, I love everything you said. Let’s go take that shower.”

It occurs to Bram that, maybe not right now, but from now on, shower sex is going to be much more fun…


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I have one more chapter planned because I just never know how to stop...

Bram is a bit tired and truthfully, he’d rather just stay in. But he promised Simon that they would go out tonight. It _has_ been a while. So instead of sitting on the couch and losing himself in a book, he heads toward the bathroom and showers.

Simon said that he had ‘fancy plans’ for tonight so Bram decides to wear a shirt and some wool trousers that Simon says look great on his butt. Simon didn’t actually use the word ‘butt’. Nothing formal, but nothing too casual either. They’re probably not just going to the taco place down the street.

Simon walks into the bedroom and Bram takes a second to ogle him. Bram knows he chose the right clothes because Simon is the same combination of smart but not formal. Simon always says that he likes Bram in a shirt because of the way the fabric looks on his ‘perfectly sculpted body’ (Simon’s words), but Simon in a shirt is also high on Bram’s list. Probably because of the prospect of revealing his boyfriend’s body slowly, one button at a time.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay in?” Bram asks, trying to put all the seduction he can in his voice. He is satisfied to notice a small shiver on Simon’s body.

“Weren’t you tired twenty minutes ago?”

“To go out. Not to ravage you.”

The faint blush on Simon’s cheeks tells Bram that his words are working on his boyfriend.

Simon softly clears his throat before saying. “Do you really not want to go out tonight? We can stay in and just chill. Or… that other thing.”

Bram contemplates the offer for a second. He _does_ want to stay in. But Simon _does_ want to go out. And Bram knows that Simon wants an evening out more than Bram wants an evening in. And it’s not like he _doesn’t want_ to go out either… He’s just being a bit lazy. He knows he’ll shake the feeling off once they’re out, though.

“No, I want to go. I want to make you happy.”

“You don’t have to do something you don’t want to just to make me happy.”

“Alright, you make me sound like a martyr. We’re just eating out. It’s not like I’m making this massive sacrifice for you.”

“I know, but… I don’t think I’ll enjoy the evening if I feel like I’m dragging you there.”

Bram sighs and pulls his boyfriend for a hug. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like this. I’m a bit tired, that’s true, but I do love when we go out. It might be just what I need to snap out of it. Besides, I really want to see where you’re taking me that requires a dress code.”

“It’s hardly a dress code.”

“I know, but if you referred to it as ‘fancy plans’ and if we are both wearing shirts and semi-formal trousers, then I want to see where you’re taking me.”

“Sure?”

“Sure!”

Simon starts kissing Bram and he has to remind himself not to be carried away. He shouldn’t crease his shirt or mess his hair. Bram knows that in a few seconds, he won’t be able to keep his hands off his boyfriend’s hair so he lets go.

“Alright. Let’s get going before ravaging you becomes my number one choice for tonight.”

“Just so you know,” Simon replies, “even if we do go out, the ravaging isn’t off the table for tonight…”

Bram has to force a deep breath in to keep his fingers from _literally_ ripping Simon’s shirt open.

The good thing is: he’s not tired anymore.

Bram is a bit annoyed when the Uber stops in front of their work building. This is really not how he wanted to start his weekend. Or his night out. The one that was supposed to snap him out of the stress from work.

“Si, really?”

“I just need to drop something off.”

“Should I wait for you here?”

“No, come with me. In and out. Then we can walk to the restaurant. It’s not far.”

It’s always weird to be in this building after hours. It is not the tallest building in Atlanta, but it is quite big already, and given the number of companies working here, Bram is not surprised to see that there are still people working, coming and going, besides security.

They enter the elevator and Bram starts scrolling on his phone. When the doors open, Bram follows Simon on ‘autopilot’ mode, still typing a reply to a work email – technically, he _is_ at work.

“Bram?”

Bram looks up and realizes that they aren’t on Simon’s office floor. They are on the last floor.

“What are we doing here?” Bram asks.

“Do you remember what happened two years ago today?”

Until now, Bram didn’t. Of course, he remembers the event, just not its date, and he didn’t realize that it was its anniversary. Bram puts his phone away. The email can wait.

“We met at an office party,” Bram replies with a smile.

“Yes. We had our first conversation on this roof.” With a dramatic sense of timing that can only come from someone who studied performance arts, Simon opens the door leading to the roof and Bram forgets to breathe for a minute.

The roof entirely lit by candles and fairy lights, there is a table with cover cloches on it, probably hiding some food. It looks so romantic and magical.

So that’s why Simon wanted to go out _tonight_. Above everything, Bram loves the fact that he ‘dressed up’ for Simon and not because of a stupid restaurant's dress code.

“Simon…” he breathes out. “How did you manage that?”

“A lot of forms filled in with Security, and help from Garrett.”

“Garrett helped you doing this?”

“After calling me greedy for piling up anniversaries.”

“We could have a lot more anniversaries,” Bram replies. “Sure, there is the day we met and the day we kissed, but we could add the day Jacques met Blue. Or the day We realized we were Jacques and Blue. Or the day we had sex for the first time. Oh, no, wait… we have no self-control and that was ten minutes after our first kiss.”

Simon chuckles and takes Bram by the hand. “I love our actual anniversary, and I hope I’ll manage to blow your mind then, but… tonight is even more special, in a way.”

“How so?”

“At that party, I really hoped I would meet Blue. He was so deep under my skin already. He was perfect. That was my big mission of the evening. I would find Blue. But then I met this guy on a roof, and Bram made me forget all about Blue.”

Bram feels warm and happy. “You did find Blue.”

“I found so much more than this,” Simon whispers.

They are so close that they share their body heat. But they don’t kiss, they don’t hug, they don’t touch except for that hand that Simon is still holding. They just take a moment to get lost in each other’s eyes. Bram feels so in love right now.

“And you were ready to let me stay at home tonight?”

Simon shrugs. “As I said… it wouldn’t have been the same if I felt like I was dragging you here.”

“Well, just know that I’m so happy to be here.”

Simon smiles, happy and proud. “Let’s eat.”

“You know I can’t say no to food.”

The food was amazing. It would have been so easy to get takeout from the restaurant on the ground floor, but no, Simon managed to cook Bram’s favorite and have it brought here. What Simon and Garrett did with the roof is wonderful, but added to the lights of the city skyline, the setting is quite magical.

Bram likes Simon’s silly idea to add an anniversary for them to celebrate. Bram would happily honor their relationship every single day.

“Please tell me we are going to finish this wonderful evening with your triple chocolate brownies.”

“Are you ready to call it a night?” Simon asks.

“No, I’m just ready for brownies. I told you earlier. I’m going to ravage you tonight. We’re not calling it a night until then.”

Simon’s blush is back and Bram is thrilled to know he can still fluster him, two years after their first interaction, and nearly as long dating. It is crazy how disinhibited Simon can be during sex, and yet how easy it is to tease him _beforehand_. “I have made brownies,” Simon confirms.

“And that is the one reason I love you.”

Bram obviously said that as a joke, but Simon looks very serious suddenly. “And I can’t even count the reasons I love you.” Bram feels his face go all soft. His boyfriend is just too precious. He is about to reply something equally cheesy when Simon interrupts him. “No, Bram, I need you to really hear this. I love you. I know that I am your first boyfriend, and sometimes I wish I could have been yours. But then I think that it’s good this way. I have been with other boys and men and I can tell with absolute certainty that you are the absolute best I could find. You touch my heart and my soul the way no one ever got close. I didn’t even think it was possible, to be completely honest.”

Simon suddenly looks very emotional and Bram wants to make sure that there is no misunderstanding between them. So he clarifies: “You are my first boyfriend, Simon. But I can still tell with absolute certainty that you’re the one. The only reason I can touch your soul is because you touched mine. You took the scared boy in me by the hand and helped him become the man that I am. There isn’t a single morning that I don’t feel blessed to wake up by your side and to know that there are many more mornings to come.”

“I’m quite glad you said that because I didn’t just bring up here to celebrate the anniversary of our first conversation.”

“No?”

“No. Bram, I…” Simon takes a deep breath. He is so nervous that even Bram’s stomach contracts. Or maybe it is because his subconscious already understood what is about to happen when Bram is still clueless. “I don’t actually have a ring because I wanted us to go pick them together, but I sort of regret it now, it’s easier to be able to hide behind some prop…” And just like that, Bram’s brain catches up with his subconscious. Breathing is kind of hard right now.

“Simon…”

“Bram, I love you. I want us to have many more mornings to come. I want to keep feeling the way I do since we started talking on this very roof. I want you to be my forever. I want…”

“Yes,” Bram replies unable to let Simon speak any longer. “Of course, I’ll marry you!”

Simon’s eyes water a little and he wipes it away before any tear can actually escape. Then he looks down at his one hand that trapped Bram’s at some point – none of them could tell when that happened – and then looks mortified. “I didn’t kneel.”

Bram lets out a chocked, wet laugh. He might be fighting tears himself. “You don’t need to kneel.”

“I don’t have a ring, I didn’t kneel… Is it the worst proposal ever?”

“Are you kidding me? Look around! You had me when you opened that door. Actually, you had me at ‘do you remember what happened two years ago?’ And the ring… I want what you said. I want to pick them with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“About the rings or about marrying you?”

“Both.”

“I do want to be involved in the ring choice. But most importantly, I absolutely want to marry you. I want to make you mine and I want to become yours. I want to wear nice clothes and show off to all our friends and family how much we love each other. I want to become your family so I know I will be able to stand by your side no matter what comes next. And I want to keep waking up to you every day.”

“You know, you’re response isn’t supposed to be better than my proposal…”

Bram smiles, leans over the table, and kisses his boyfriend. No. his _fiancé_.

And that’s when things get out of control. Bram feels all kinds of emotions bubbling under his skin and he can only think of one way to express them.

“Okay, should we get dessert?” Simon asks in an attempt to calm things down when the kiss turns from sensual to sexual even with a table between them.

“Absolutely,” Bram answers, standing up to go around the table and pulling Simon in another heated kiss. “Just not the brownie kind.”

“_Bram!_” Simon breathes out sharply as Bram’s lips start to work Simon’s neck, especially that one spot that always makes him shiver and his cock twitch if he is hard, which Bram highly presumes he is by now. “Someone might see. Or hear. Or walk out on us…”

They are pretty much hidden from the world, here, but there are two nearby buildings that are taller than this one and that could be offering a pretty good view of what they are doing to whoever might still be in them at this time. Also, they are outdoors, Bram supposes, and it’s not really something they have worked in their repertoire.

The closer Bram has been to public sex before was sex in places like cheap hotels or dorm rooms where it’s pretty obvious that the person next door will know at least _some_ of what’s happening, and taking Simon against their massive bedroom window, but without any building opposite, it didn’t feel like exhibitionism.

Right now, Bram doesn’t care. One of the dreams he didn’t even know he had just came true, he feels so full of love for Simon that he has to express it right here, right now. Of course, he knows that there are other ways than sex to express love – like planning the sweetest fucking proposal on the roof they met – but he also knows they are great at letting their bodies communicate.

“Let them see how much I love you,” Bram replies, getting on his knees. Simon’s breath hitches but he doesn’t complain anymore. Bram slowly opens Simon’s pants and pulls them down along with his underwear. Simon lifts his hips from the chair to allow Bram to do this, but sits back down as Bram’s lips close on his already fully erect dick.

Simon’s hands fly to Bram’s head, leaving him full control of the situation but gently rubbing the back of his head. It’s a small thing, but Bram loves how giving Simon always is, even when he could just _take_.

That wonderful man who just made Bram the happiest man in the world. It’s not a worn-out, cliched sentence for cheesy movies or novels anymore. It’s a certainty swelling in Bram’s chest. They are going to be so happy together. More than that: he is going to be happier with Simon that he could ever be with anyone else. There is no part of him that even remotely wants to keep looking. Because he’s found him.

“Bram,” Simon whines again and this time it sounds more like a way to get his attention than a reflex sentence Simon mumbled out of pleasure. So Bram moves his head up, his hand still lazily working Simon. When they make eye-contact, they hold it for a while. Simon keeps looking and Bram keeps touching. Simon seems to be on the same wavelength because he says what he wants using their other sex catchphrase. “I want you to make me feel good.”

“Wasn’t I doing just that?” Bram replies playfully. “You never complained before.”

“I want to feel you inside of me.”

Truthfully, Bram didn’t plan to have full-on sex on the roof. As Simon said, someone could see or hear. He thought he would go down on Simon, maybe let him reciprocate if he was feeling like it, but he didn’t actually think things would go any further. But Simon looks so beautiful and so needy right now that it would cost Bram to refuse him.

Bram pulls Simon up and they got to the edge of the roof and Bram pushes Simon against the balustrade. It is high enough to be sage, but Bram keeps an arm securely wrapped around Simon anyway. Simon’s back is against Bram’s chest and they can both look at the city spreading in front of them.

Bram’s free hand starts working Simon open using the lube he grabbed from Simon’s inside jacket pocket. Always prepared, ever since day one. Since that night they moved in, Bram knows how much Simon likes praise and he whispers encouraging words in his ear as Simon gets loose, the other man leaning heavily against Bram, trying to stay quiet but a small whimper escaping his lips each time Bram plays with his soft spot.

One of Simon’s hands grabs the back of Bram’s neck and pulls on it, tilting his head so Bram would have access to his neck. Bram is more than happy to start kissing it.

Simon whines when Bram’s fingers abandon him but groans when he hears Bram open his zipper.

The process isn’t as smooth in reality as it was in Bram’s head, with his arm still around Simon, the other man leaning back against him like he might disintegrate otherwise, and his lips magnetized to Simon’s neck, but they make it work, like they always do, and it’s Bram’s turn to groan when he enters Simon.

“Oh, God, baby you feel so good…” Bram is pretty sure that even without his new habit of working Simon up with his words as well as his body, the words would have made their way out anyway. It’s probably the setting, both physical and emotional, but there is something particularly exciting about tonight.

For a few seconds, Bram doesn’t move. He just stays there, buried in Simon, enjoying everything about this moment. The recent proposal, the breeze on his face, the view in front of him, the man against him…

But then Simon starts grinding down and Bram starts thrusting up, following his lead. Simon is leaning more and more against Bram, but that’s alright. Bram’s got him. He’s there. He’s not going anywhere. Not now, not ever.

He really wants to bend Simon over and start pounding him but that’s clearly not what he wants, so Bram holds him tighter, keeps breathing him in, and lets himself get lost in the moment.

“I would have let you do that to me that first night on this roof,” Simon whispers, voice deep and rough.

Bram chuckles against Simon’s skin. He very much doubts that, but it is a nice thing to hear. It is also very nice to realize that Simon is so deep that he probably believes what he just said.

It’s all a bit much and Bram knows that he won’t be able to make this last. Which, given their current setting, might be for the best. But he doesn’t want to leave Simon uncontented either so he reaches for Simon and starts pumping him.

“I want you to mark me,” Simon begs, offering his neck again.

“Like an engagement lovebite?”

“Might be better than a ring,” Simon mumbles, clearly almost gone.

Bram sucks a mark on the spot he knows will bring Simon where he needs to get, and they both see fireworks.

Bram is sitting against the balustrade – _not_ where Simon… _released himself_ – catching his breath.

“Meet… Get engaged… Hot sex… Is there anything we won’t do on that roof?” Simon asks, tucking his shirt back into his pants, looking down at Bram.

“Hopefully break up,” Bram replies with a smile. Simon smiles back. Right now, the prospect of ever breaking up is ridiculous. Preposterous, even. Why would any of them want to walk away from something so utterly perfect?

“Okay, so that was not on my list. I had planned sweet and romantic.”

“I never love you more than when you let me make sweet, romantic love to you,” Bram teases.

“I thought we could go for a walk? In the park or something. That was my plan B if I didn’t get the courage to ask you over dinner.”

“Should we clean up first?”

“If you mean the _mess_, I’m hoping for rain. If you mean the table and stuff, Garrett is doing that tomorrow morning since he has to come to work on a Saturday. He said that it was either his engagement gift or one less thing for me to worry about as I’m crying over rejection.”

“Nice.”

“So… romantic walk in the park?”

“If you want to…”

“I know that tone,” Simon says with a smile. “What do you really want to do?”

“I want to go back home and properly ravage you like we said I would.” There is a small shiver on Simon’s skin that tell Bram that his boyfriend – _fiancé_ – wouldn’t mind a round two. “I will start by opening your shirt one button at a time, excruciatingly slowly, putting one mark on your chest per missing button, then I will finish undressing you and drag you in our _amazing _shower and finish that blowjob you interrupted. Actually, I might work my tongue over all your sensitive places, then I will take you to our bedroom and ravage you all the ways I know you like. We might even find a new one. And after all of that, if you have anything left in you, I might even let you fuck me.” Bram pauses for a moment to watch Simon’s face. It’s blank. Maybe he doesn’t want tonight to be mostly about sex. He _did_ want to go out. Sex can definitely wait a couple of hours. “But sure, we can go for a walk first.”

Simon gets his phone out of his pocket.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting us an Uber.”

No walk it is, then. Bram can’t help but smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And just to be clear, this is obviously not the proposal chapter I was mentioning on Tumblr!


	6. Chapter 6

Simon joins Bram in the kitchen and goes straight for a kiss. Simon always needs a kiss even before coffee, as if Bram was his way to leave the world of dreams and settle back into reality.

They end up sharing the same chair. It is a bit uncomfortable, but it’s mostly soft and warm. “Good morning.”

“Good morning. Do you want some coffee?”

“No, I want to do a bit more of this.”

Simon. Always needy and cuddly in the morning. Not that Bram doesn’t love it. On weekends, he certainly indulges, but on workdays like today, he has to be the responsible one. Simon has a very personal relationship with punctuality at work. Which tells me that he must be very good at what he does.

“We have to leave in less than fifteen minutes.”

“Already? I didn’t snooze today!”

“No. But you did spend half an hour in the shower.”

“Right.”

Simon stands up and pours his coffee in a to-go cup, adding much more sugar than any doctor would approve of.

“Are we still going shopping after work?” Bram asks.

“Can you please not refer to picking the one piece of jewelry we are going to wear forever as ‘shopping’?”

Bram smiles. He likes downplaying the ring purchasing thing, and Simon loves being overly outraged at it. The truth is they both know how larger than life that is and they are both slightly overwhelmed.

They still haven’t told anyone but Garrett about the engagement. They agreed that they would do it once they bought the rings. So today will make everything real and official. Bram is excited and also a little nervous.

“You know,” Simon says putting together a small breakfast he’ll be able to eat at his desk, “I’ll probably be thinking about you all day. How do you feel about me sneaking to your floor during my break so we can make out in that furniture closet?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

“Because it never stops at ‘making out’, and I will _not _be the guy who got caught with his pants down in the furniture closet.”

“Fais point. Meet me on the roof?”

“No.”

“Fifth-floor bathroom?”

“Simon, I will not have sex with you at work.” After a pause, he adds. “During office hours.”

Bram wakes up to an empty bed. He glances at the clock. It’s two a.m.

He gets out of the blankets – it’s not as warm and comfy without Simon anyway – and find his fiancé in the kitchen, sitting at the counter with a cup of herbal tea, only the soft lights on, starting at the open rings box.

“Hey, you.”

“Did I wake you?”

“Not really. What are you doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep. They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

When they decided that they would buy the rings together, Bram had envisioned that they would wear the same thing. But once in the jewelry store, they ended up going for slightly different styles. Bram’s is a wide sanded white gold flat ring with a small black line carved, not exactly in the middle. Simons, although still wider than a typical woman’s ring would be, is a thinner matte white gold dome ring with the same black thin line.

He likes the idea that they are similar enough to match but different enough to look and feel personal.

“They are.”

“I can’t wait until we can wear them.”

“We can wear them now, if you want.”

“No. We should do this right.”

There is something sad in Simon’s tone and Bram doesn’t understand where this is coming from. He stands by the stool and Simon shifts to lean against Bram who wraps his arms around the other man. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just… thinking about marriage and all that goes with it.”

“Are you having second thoughts?”

Simon’s eyes dart up. “No, never. Bram, you… I don’t think there are strong enough words to describe how sure I am. How much I want this.”

“Confident? Decided? Secure? Unwavering? Unshakeable?”

Simon giggle softly. “Okay, maybe there are. I didn’t ask you just because it’s what people do after a while. I asked you because I want this to be our forever.”

“Okay. And I said yes because I want just that too. So what’s keeping you up?”

“Bram, I… You and I have been evolving as a couple and I’ve been happier each day.”

“Why do I sense a ‘but’ in there?”

“But I realized only today that we are going to keep evolving and we never talked about it. What if we don’t want the same things?”

“Then we’ll negotiate.”

“There are things you can’t just negotiate afterward. There are things you need to be sure of before entering a marriage. I don’t ever want you to feel trapped, or like you wasted your time with me.”

“I will _never_ think that. Si, just tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I don’t want kids.”

“You… what?”

“I… I love my nieces, and there was a time when I thought I wanted a house with a white picket fence, three children, and a dog, but… I actually don’t. I want to live in a nice apartment in a city center, I want to come home to my husband and make love to him in every room of the house just because we can, and I don’t want children. I want the freedom, I want to put myself and the man I love first. I don’t want the financial burden. I don’t want to have to worry all my life about another person that I am responsible for. I don’t… It might sound selfish, or like I haven’t thought this through, but I have a full list of reasons. I have thought about it. I have heard all the arguments. I know it would be magical, and life-changing, and the best thing I will ever have done in my life, but… but I don’t want it. And I won’t change my mind, Bram. I just… I wanted you to have a way out now, in case that is the life you are after.”

Bram sighs and detaches himself from Simon, walking to the sink.

“What are you doing?”

“I am making myself a drink too. I thought I would come out of bed, convince you to go back with me, and go to sleep again, but apparently, we need to talk. So I need a drink. And there is no way I am sharing that disgusting thing you’re drinking.”

“That disgusting thing is very healthy.”

“Not with the amount of sugar you put in.”

“Bram… the children thing… is it a deal-breaker for you?”

“You know, if you wanted to give me a way out, you should have done it before you made me fall so deeply in love with you.”

Simon smiles, but his eyes are a little watery. Not in a good way. “Am I taking something away from you?”

Bram sighs again. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. I used to think that I wanted that same house, those three kids, and that dog. But that was back when I thought I wanted things just because… I was _supposed to_. But now that I am trying to decide and accept what I want for _me_ rather than society or my family… I wouldn’t be opposed to raising children with you. We would do such a great job. But I don’t think it’s something I actively want either. Does that make sense? Can one feel neutral about that part of life?”

“It does make sense. But that means that I am making that decision for you and I’m not comfortable with that.”

“It’s not what it means. It means that we talked about it, and are going to keep talking about it if it’s what we need, and you convinced me with your offer of fancy apartment, love-making, and freedom.”

“That means just you and me, Bram. Forever.”

“And you have no idea how great that sounds.”

“What if we regret it? What if we get bored?”

“We’ll party, we’ll travel, we’ll start painting, we’ll visit friends and family, we’ll buy an old house to fix-up, we’ll have creative sex… We won’t ever get bored. And if we regret it… We’ll comfort each other, we’ll cuddle, and we’ll focus on what we have rather than what we don’t. We are going to be so great, Simon. Just you and me. Forever.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Simon, stop it. I understand that society presents the choice of not having children as odd. After all, hundreds of people made the choice of having children so we could both be here. But we shouldn’t have children just because that’s what people do. My parents did that and it didn’t make them happy. My dad still walked away and never came back. children are not a ticket to happiness. They are a responsibility that I honestly don’t think I want to take either. Besides… we can’t just _make _a child, you and I, and I’m not really looking forward to putting us through the stress of any of the other options.”

“Okay. I just want to say that if you ever feel like you need to reopen the topic, I want you to talk to me about it. I probably won’t change my mind, but I don’t want you to feel like it’s a forbidden topic.”

“I will. Same for you.”

“Sure.”

“Alright. Do you think you’ll be able to sleep now that you don’t feel like you’re making me marry you under false pretenses?”

“Can we finish our drinks first? I don’t know, I feel like… I’d like to be with you more than be asleep right now.”

Simon ever so slightly blushes and Bram is pretty sure that it’s the cutest thing anyone ever asked him.

“Of course.”

“So you know when you mentioned creative sex…”

Bram laughs. “What about it?”

“Do you think we’ll be creative enough to last a lifetime? Not that I’m bored yet – or ever will be. There is _nothing_ boring about you touching me.”

“Me touching… you looking…”

“I can’t believe we have a cheesy line for sex.”

“To answer your previous question, should we test our creativity? Do something naughty?”

“Right now?”

“No, not right now. Some of us actually like to go to work on time and refreshed, you beast. Plus we already had sex twice today. Aren’t you a bit sore.”

Simon shrugs. “I can take it one more time.”

Bram almost can’t believe how casually Simon just said that. It makes him want to kiss his boyfriend everywhere and give it to him one more time. But he has a big morning tomorrow. “You know what? We’ll think of something and I’ll make you feel good this weekend, okay?”

“But… we’ll have regular sex before the weekend, right?”

“We’ll have regular sex before the weekend,” Bram promises.

“I can wait then.”

“And how about some nice cuddling now?”

“Fine. I guess if I _have to_ fall asleep in the arms of my wonderful fiancé, I’ll do it…”

“Bram… have you ever been so slow to read anything?” Simon sounds equally needy and annoyed.

“I promise that I am not dragging it. But we agreed that you would wait until I was done with my chapter. I have three more pages.”

“Honey, I’m going to have to start without you.”

“Simon, a few things. First… ‘Honey’? I’m not sure. My mom calls me that. Second, technically, you’ve already started. Third, if you push it further, you won’t just start without me, you will have to finish without me too. And fourth, the more you speak, the least I can read.”

Simon stops talking and lets out a soft whine. This is fun. Bram is enjoying this more than he thought he would. Simon’s almost naked body, the noises he makes whenever he moves and the plug readjusts in his body, the little wet spot that’s forming on his briefs, the way he keeps glancing at Bram to check his progress, how impatient he looks…

Bram wonders what it feels like… It isn’t Simon’s first time with plugs although, according to him ‘it’s been a while’, but it’s not something Bram ever explored. He might want to try, soon, and discover what it feels like. Apparently, given Simon’s state and bulge, the pressure on the prostate might be very enjoyable. Of course, the expectation might help as well.

They had been _toy shopping_ to get some of that creativity they talked about (and Simon added that if they weren’t going to buy toys for any kids, they should still get the opportunity to buy toys for _someone_). Bram was happy to notice that Simon was actually pretty novice in most things too, and that the few things he tried were mostly at college, most often drunk or high. They decided to start ‘easy’ with a plug and a bit of… whatever what they are doing now is called – it probably has a name, Bram just doesn’t know it.

Simon had told him that he hadn’t particularly been into any kind of toys and that he was using them because he turned on his boyfriend back then. Bram thinks that it was exactly the problem. Now that Simon is doing it for himself too, now that he doesn’t feel used or pulled into someone else’s fantasy, he seems to be enjoying it fine.

Which is all for the best, Bram wouldn’t be into any of this if he couldn’t see the spark of happiness and lust in Simon’s eyes right now.

God, Bram is so hard that he can’t even focus on what he’s reading.

He closes the book and turns toward Simon who is now kneeling on the couch, facing Bram. “Would you be very disappointed if I didn’t finish my chapter and finished you instead?”

“Bram, seriously, you’re such a tease…”

That might be true.

“Does that mean you are ready for me?”

“I’m so ready. I’ll let you do anything to me.”

The offer is very tempting and Bram thinks about other toys he might use on Simon. But he hasn’t really looked into anything and he wouldn’t want to hurt Simon because he was too eager and used something wrong.

Bram pulls Simon in for a kiss and ends up forcing the other man to straddle him. Whenever the kiss makes them move, he hears Simon moan, probably because of the toy moving inside of him, shifting position and pressure… It is driving Bram mad too.

He scraps his nails over Simon’s penis through the fabric and his fiancé’s body shudders. “Bram,” Simon lets out. “_Please, fuck me_…”

“Wrong sentence.”

Simon smiles, knowing exactly what Bram means. “Make me feel good.”

Bram doesn’t need more prompt. The waiting was hot. But they both want more.

It’s going to be so good.

A lifetime of Simon… how could he get bored or regret it? He is so happy. He is exactly where he should be. He doesn’t want anything more from life.

Although… at some point, they might have to renegotiate the dog thing…


End file.
